THREE LITTLE WORDS

 

Over the years, I have had some major life changing events.....and when I say life changing, I mean completely shattered my world as I knew it! Through each......God ALWAYS carried me through and helped me to see His glory! 

 

As I have looked back I realized that each time my life took a different turn, it began with three little words:

 

I got a call from my sister in December, 1990....the first words out of her mouth were...."THEY ARE GONE"....."Mom and Dad are dead"......life changing words!!

 

In March, 2005 I heard the words....."I AM LEAVING"......"I don't love you enough to stay".......life changing words!!

 

On December 18th Ken sat me down and said "I HAVE CANCER"......"9 out of the 13 biopsy's came back cancerous".....life changing words!!!

 

Once again my world has shifted.....not sure how but from this point forward, our lives (Ken and myself) will be different. Anytime the "C" word is used....it is life changing and SCARY!!!!

 

Over the last couple of weeks, Ken and I have felt every emotion imaginable.....anger, fear, sadness, anxiety, blessed, scared, worried, loved.....you name it we have felt it. We have tried so hard to keep busy and keep our minds on God and His will but we both feel Satan pulling us into the darkness that the "C" word can cause.

 

One of the beauties of our relationship is that we share everything, all our feelings....good and bad. As we both began to have these different thoughts and feelings we began to share them with each other. Both of us experiencing some of the same thoughts. These feelings and thoughts have caused us to have some very serious and lengthy conversations. Conversations we were not.....and are not....ready to have.

 

We have talked about the fact that this "C" may be other places in his body. If so, how this will change our lives.....how we will deal with this, face on with God's hand leading us. We have talked about the possibility of having to go to Houston, perhaps having to go through Chemo. We have talked about life after Ken's surgery and how different our life may be.

 

We have talked about what my life would look like if God calls Ken home. We have talked about our finances and keeping things in order if I am faced with this. We have talked about how blessed we are that all but one of our kids lives close and will be there to help and how blessed we are that our youngest is only 3 hours away and not across the country.

I have tried so hard to keep from "spinning" with the "what ifs".....but sometimes my brain just goes there and I can't seem to stop thinking about all the things Ken and I are about to face. It seems that the more I try not to think about the fear of losing Ken....the greater my fears get. It helps that Ken and I can come together at night, before bed, and talk about our day....our thoughts....how we are doing with the "C" hanging over our heads....expressing our feelings aloud to each other.....then asking God to take these fears away and replacing them with a deeper faith in Him.

You see, I realized that if I do not talk about these things, my fears and worries will sit in a corner of my heart and fester.....grow.....and consume me to the point that I can't see God at all. When I allow Satan to fill my head and my heart with fear and the "what ifs", there is no room for the peace that only God can give me. There is no room for my faith to grow as God calls me to trust in Him and keep my eyes on Him.

By voicing my fears, worries, and anxiety I am able to get them out in the open.....talk about them.....pray about them, and then lay them at the cross. If I keep all of this inside for fear of seeming weak, Satan has won because my fear becomes greater than my faith!! I can not let this happen!!!!!

 

God has carried me through two life changing events and I know that He will see me and Ken through this as well. For you see, when our world is the darkest.....God's light shines the brightest! I have found that when the storms in my life are to great for me to stay afloat.....God reaches down, grabs me by my hand and tells me to hold on and look at Him.....He will calm my storm!! 

 

God will give Ken and I the peace we need to walk this "C" road we have found ourselves on. We don't know what the road ahead looks like but what we do know is that God will bring us through and we will be in His presence.....whether here on earth or seated at God's feet....either way we win!!!!

As the new year begins, Ken and I count our blessings, express our fears and worries, feel God's presence and rest in knowing that God loves us and is in control!!!

From my corner of the world.....blessings and Happy New Year!!