THE DATE IS SET

In my last post, we were waiting to receive the results of Ken's bone scan and the CT scan. I can thankfully say that both of these scans showed no "C" anywhere else in his body!! We were so grateful and overwhelmed with relief. God heard all of the prayers said on Ken's behalf and we rejoice in His grace and mercy!!!

We found out the results almost a month ago and we just heard today that Ken's surgery will be on Tuesday, February 17th at 7:30 AM. This came as good news to us!!

It seemed that time was dragging by as we waited to get the surgery date set. There were so many things that had to be done.....in order for Ken to be approved for the surgery. He had to have an appointment and check up with our primary physician to receive the okay approval to have the surgery. This "form" had to be faxed to Ken's Urologist before an appointment could be set to have a final test/scope done in the doctor's office before the date could be set.

All this time has been very frustrating for me......I couldn't understand the doctors not rushing Ken in for these appointments knowing that he had "C". I become frustrated in the fact that......I feel......the doctor's fail to see the urgency in removing the "C" as much as we feel it. Several times I just wanted to call the doctors and say "Do you not realize that my husband has CANCER in his body and you have waited two weeks to get him in to see you!!!!! Do you realize that the CANCER can spread the longer it is in his body!!!" There is just something about knowing there is "C" in Ken's body and that it continues to grow the longer it is in him......I JUST WANT IT OUT!!!!!

Sorry about that little rant.....I am just so ready to get this over with so Ken can begin to heal!!!!

Ken is doing well in the waiting because he works in the medical field and he understands more of the necessary procedures. He does feel the sense of urgency in getting the "C" removed.....he has said several times to me that he has woken up at night with the thought "I have Cancer!!". Needless to say, this waiting is wearing on both of us. Thankful we have a date set as we prepare for the next step in our "C" journey!!

During the last couple of weeks there have been some really great blessing in our lives.....big ones and some maybe not so big ones....you may not think so anyway!!

The greatest of these blessings has been the Baptism of our son-in-law!!!! David is an amazing man and has been an answer to my prayers.......as I began praying for Tara's husband the day she was born......God answered these prayers in a BIG way!!!

David was raised in a Christian home and went to Church all his life. He is one of the kindest, most tenderhearted, giving, loving, hard-working man I know, and he loves Tara and their kids totally and completely. He is an amazing husband and dad!!!

After Tara and David got married, they struggled with finding a Church home in which they both felt comfortable. Tara had always attended the Church of Christ and David always attended the Baptist Church. Ken and I noticed that David seemed to be searching for something but just wasn't sure what he was looking for. Ken and I began praying a couple of years ago that God would send them to a Church that could give David the answers he was searching for.

I knew that David and his brother Chris had been studying the Bible as David would go to Chris with questions and they would sit down and search the scriptures together. The more questions David had the more studying he and Chris did. Then a couple of Sundays ago.....David knew what he needed to do.....and knew that there was no better time than that day....that very minute. He was baptized by his brother that afternoon!!!! PRAISES TO GOD!!!! 

Tara called me to tell me of David's decision to be baptized. I have to say I cried a little, sang a little, said prayers of thanksgiving and praised God for the work he had been doing on David's heart!!! 

I visited with David after Tara and I hung up and honestly the words he said describing his feelings touched my heart so deeply that I asked him if I could share them with you....

"....I am so happy to be a part of the love of Christ that I never really understood. I feel so different now than I did. I was baptized at a young age.....but I knew I needed something different. I felt I was always missing something and a little something never felt right. But now it's like I can see so much clearer. God's gonna be so much more in my life and marriage, I can promise you that!!"

I love when David said "I can see so much clearer....."!!! Thank you God for using Chris and all the other people in David's life that lived Jesus to him so that he is able to see Jesus love more clearly!!! 

God is good all the time, and all the time God is good!!!

As hard as it has been to wait for doctor appointments, tests, results, more tests.....and finally a surgery date....God has been faithful!! He has blessed us with new mercy every single morning, He has listened and understood when we became frustrated. He has assured us that He will never leave us during this difficult walk we are on. He has sent His angels to love us and minister to us through hugs, gift certificates for pedicures :), encouraging words and the prayers of many!!

I ask that you keep Ken in your prayers, especially on Tuesday February 17th. Pray for the doctors taking care of him and performing the surgery. Most of all pray that God's glory will be seen through this process!!!

From my corner of the world......feeling blessed!! 

HOPE

 

On Thursday night I received two Facebook messages from a very special lady, an Elder's wife where Ken and I attend. The first one said that she was praying for me and Ken as we wait for the results of Ken's scans. She sent the second one a few minutes later that said "how are you holding up?" I didn't answer until the next day because I felt a little ashamed of how I was feeling.

 

My reply the next morning was...."I am struggling with the "what ifs" and afraid to hope too much preparing myself for the worst!! I think this comes from all that I've been through in the past and it's sort of my way of protecting myself...". It's true.....for many years when storms come in my life.....I prepare myself for the worst fearing to hope for the best. I have been disappointed too many times to freely open my heart to the hope that I need to have....

Her reply to my answer was...."I don't know why God lets us have such pain in this ole world ..... but I do KNOW He gave us a sign of hope way bigger than the size of our pain. Even in the largest of pain! The loss of your parents you always held onto the biggest sign of HOPE ever. The Promise & HOPE of JESUS....." WOW She spoke directly to my heart.

 

On a side note.....I love how this precious woman of God was able to mentor to me, comfort me, and remind me of the hope that I have through the love of Jesus.....all through Facebook.....social media!!! Thank you Teanie!!!

 

I thought a lot about the hope that Teanie was talking about over the next several days.....the hope that comes from surrendering to God and His gift of Jesus! Yes I am afraid to hope that Ken's "C" has not spread.....afraid to hope for the fear of not being prepared for the worst. You see, I have seen some of the worst that this world has to offer and my heart has been broke and left empty. I am not sure that I can go through another storm and take the chance on my heart being hurt more.....

 

I have prayed a lot about this conversation that we had and how wrong I am to protect myself from the storms that are ahead......I realized it isn't my job to protect myself.....My job is to put my hope in God and He will protect me and my heart. My strength will come by putting my hope in Jesus....not in preparing for the worst. 

 

I have to let go of this protection I have built up around my heart......keeping the hope out is a way of protecting myself. By placing my hope in my Jesus, He will protect me and my heart. I realized that without hope being in Jesus.....I have nothing!!!

 

"The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youth grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who HOPE in the Lord will renew their strength. they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:28-31 

 

I NEED to place my hope in Jesus for He will give me the strength to ride out this storm.....good or bad.....and place my faith in Him and not in myself.....Hope in Jesus is where my strength comes from.

I want to change directions a little here......

 

I want to share some of the love that we have been shown over that last couple of days while we wait for the results of Ken's scans.

 

We have been overwhelmed by all of the people that have been praying for Ken and myself. We have truly felt those prayers and the Peace of God. We have received cards from people that love us and have walked the "C" path and can now minister to us as we face the unknown. 

 

This morning Ken and I met with some of our Elders and their wives to share where we are with Ken's "C" and what our greatest prayer requests are. Ken and I were both a little anxious about meeting with them.....not out of fear but because we do not like to be the center of attention and like to remain in the background....we much prefer serving as to being served. 

 

As we walked into the room we immediately felt at ease and felt loved my each and everyone there. They asked Ken to share a little bit of what was going on and what specific things that we needed to be praying for. After Ken was finished.....we sat in two chairs in the middle of the room and the Elders and their wives surrounded us......and one of the Elders led us in a prayer. Ken and I have never felt God's presence more than in that room. We both feel that God used this men and their wives to bless us and to love on us. It is very humbling to be loved so much.

 

I just have to say here that the men and their wives that serve as Elders at Southern Hills C of C are some of the most amazing men that truly love the Lord and those they are shepherding. Ken and I were extremely blessed this morning by their love. Thank you Lord for the servant hearts of these men!!!!!

 

Well, tomorrow at 4:00 pm Ken and I will meet with his doctor to get the results of the bone scan and the CT scan. Even with all the "what ifs" and the fears we have Ken and I both have a certain peace that we know God has given us.....letting us know HE HAS THIS and we don't have to do anything but lay this "C" at His feet and KNOW that Ken is in good hands. 

 

We ask that you pray with us that the "C" is contained only in Ken's prostate.....that surgery will be able to remove it all and Ken won't have to have Chemo. But most of all we pray that Ken and I will remain faithful to God and we will use this storm to glorify Him!!!

 

From my corner of the world.....placing my HOPE in Jesus!! 

 

 

 

 

THREE LITTLE WORDS

 

Over the years, I have had some major life changing events.....and when I say life changing, I mean completely shattered my world as I knew it! Through each......God ALWAYS carried me through and helped me to see His glory! 

 

As I have looked back I realized that each time my life took a different turn, it began with three little words:

 

I got a call from my sister in December, 1990....the first words out of her mouth were...."THEY ARE GONE"....."Mom and Dad are dead"......life changing words!!

 

In March, 2005 I heard the words....."I AM LEAVING"......"I don't love you enough to stay".......life changing words!!

 

On December 18th Ken sat me down and said "I HAVE CANCER"......"9 out of the 13 biopsy's came back cancerous".....life changing words!!!

 

Once again my world has shifted.....not sure how but from this point forward, our lives (Ken and myself) will be different. Anytime the "C" word is used....it is life changing and SCARY!!!!

 

Over the last couple of weeks, Ken and I have felt every emotion imaginable.....anger, fear, sadness, anxiety, blessed, scared, worried, loved.....you name it we have felt it. We have tried so hard to keep busy and keep our minds on God and His will but we both feel Satan pulling us into the darkness that the "C" word can cause.

 

One of the beauties of our relationship is that we share everything, all our feelings....good and bad. As we both began to have these different thoughts and feelings we began to share them with each other. Both of us experiencing some of the same thoughts. These feelings and thoughts have caused us to have some very serious and lengthy conversations. Conversations we were not.....and are not....ready to have.

 

We have talked about the fact that this "C" may be other places in his body. If so, how this will change our lives.....how we will deal with this, face on with God's hand leading us. We have talked about the possibility of having to go to Houston, perhaps having to go through Chemo. We have talked about life after Ken's surgery and how different our life may be.

 

We have talked about what my life would look like if God calls Ken home. We have talked about our finances and keeping things in order if I am faced with this. We have talked about how blessed we are that all but one of our kids lives close and will be there to help and how blessed we are that our youngest is only 3 hours away and not across the country.

I have tried so hard to keep from "spinning" with the "what ifs".....but sometimes my brain just goes there and I can't seem to stop thinking about all the things Ken and I are about to face. It seems that the more I try not to think about the fear of losing Ken....the greater my fears get. It helps that Ken and I can come together at night, before bed, and talk about our day....our thoughts....how we are doing with the "C" hanging over our heads....expressing our feelings aloud to each other.....then asking God to take these fears away and replacing them with a deeper faith in Him.

You see, I realized that if I do not talk about these things, my fears and worries will sit in a corner of my heart and fester.....grow.....and consume me to the point that I can't see God at all. When I allow Satan to fill my head and my heart with fear and the "what ifs", there is no room for the peace that only God can give me. There is no room for my faith to grow as God calls me to trust in Him and keep my eyes on Him.

By voicing my fears, worries, and anxiety I am able to get them out in the open.....talk about them.....pray about them, and then lay them at the cross. If I keep all of this inside for fear of seeming weak, Satan has won because my fear becomes greater than my faith!! I can not let this happen!!!!!

 

God has carried me through two life changing events and I know that He will see me and Ken through this as well. For you see, when our world is the darkest.....God's light shines the brightest! I have found that when the storms in my life are to great for me to stay afloat.....God reaches down, grabs me by my hand and tells me to hold on and look at Him.....He will calm my storm!! 

 

God will give Ken and I the peace we need to walk this "C" road we have found ourselves on. We don't know what the road ahead looks like but what we do know is that God will bring us through and we will be in His presence.....whether here on earth or seated at God's feet....either way we win!!!!

As the new year begins, Ken and I count our blessings, express our fears and worries, feel God's presence and rest in knowing that God loves us and is in control!!!

From my corner of the world.....blessings and Happy New Year!!