Second Chances One Step At A Time

It's been a while since I posted.....summer has flown by! I have enjoyed having time with family....mainly my sweet grands!! Ken and I went on a two week road trip to Ohio, New York City, Niagara Falls, Philadelphia, and Washington DC. I loved every place except New York City....way too many people!!!! Made me a nervous wreck!!

At the first of summer I started attending a Zumba class at ACU's wellness center. I felt the need to do more cardio and thought this would be the answer. I went for about six weeks....2-3 times a week!! I began to have a lot of pain in my hips.....more than normal with my arthritis. I went to my doctor and he pushed around on the side of my hip where the pain was so intense.....I about came unglued.....I literally told him to stop doing that!!! Good thing we go to the same church and we know each other so well! LOL He started laughing when I swatted his hand away from my hip!! 

He told me that not only was my arthritis inflamed but I had bursitis!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? I told him that old people have bursitis.....he just looked at me and shrugged his shoulders!! 

He gave me anti-inflammatory meds and said to lay off the Zumba for two weeks.....that was the first of July and I haven't been back. I felt totally defeated....here I thought I was doing something good for myself....getting in better shape....and I ended up doing more harm to my body than good!! 

Last week I started walking again....this seems to be the one thing I can do without hurting in my hips to stay in shape! I had decided AGAIN that I was going to take control of my health, my body, and get moving! It seems that I make this decision....start eating better and exercising....keep it up for a couple of months, then something will happen.....LIFE happens....and I fall off the band wagon so to speak and quit going only to feel defeated again. I get discouraged and completely give up on the idea of being "healthy and in shape".....whatever that means at my age.

Today I was walking at the indoor track at the wellness center which is on the second floor and is open and over looks a couple of BB gyms on the first floor. When I came to the last gym on the end I looked down as I passed and the women's volleyball team was practicing!!! I was so excited to watch them.....I played one year for the ACU volleyball team back in the '70's.....LONG time ago!! 

Every time I made a lap around the track I would watch the team.....remembering when I was able to jump like they were, run like they were, bend and stoop like they were!! 

Watching them motivated me to keep up my pace!! I have just started out walking for thirty minutes a day! Not sure how many miles I get in.....it takes 8 laps around the indoor track to make a mile....I can't keep up with how many laps I do.....something about walking and chewing gum......can't seem to walk and count laps at the same time! LOL

Today after the first lap I hit my "groove".....the place when walking or running where your are striding, keeping pace, feeling good completely unaware of others around you.....those that walk/run regularly know what I mean.....you are just in sync and moving right a long! It felt GREAT!!!

Before I start my walk, I set my stop watch on my phone and I stay in the "groove" for 30 minutes then when the timer goes off I usually walk a slower lap to cool down.....rest my weary bones.

Today felt good, but I can't tell you how many times in the last few years that I have started and stopped on the road to a better me!! Every time I stop or get sidetracked I get really down on myself....feeling like a failure completely disgusted with myself and especially feeling old!! I want so bad to keep at it, to feel good physically, to eat better, to have more energy.....to feel young again. I begin to feel older than I am....making me more depressed!!

Having been an "athlete" a good part of my life, I know how it feels to be fit, my body knows what it feels like to be fit. So when I'm not doing some type of exercise and not eating right.....my body doesn't work well and I feel slow and sluggish but once I start......again.....taking care of myself.....by body is HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY!!! You would think that would be motivation to keep it up!

The one thing that keeps me starting over is that I start thinking about my relationship with God and all the times God has given me second, third chances....continually cleansing me with His grace and mercy! He loves me and allows me to make bad choices....fall....He then picks me up and loves me some more!!

This is what I am learning to do for myself.....give myself some grace and mercy.....love me when I fail....pick myself back up....and start over again! It's not easy because I am my worst critic but I know that I am worth the "do-overs".....the second changes.....because God loves me and I am learning to love myself. It's a journey that God walks with me, loving me when I don't love myself....encouraging me to get up off the couch.....to take one step at a time!! 

That's all I can do.....take a step at a time.....and if I stop walking and start sitting on the couch again....God, who loves me more than I love myself.....will nudge me again to get up and keep walking!!!

From my corner of the world.....one step at a time.