CHANGE!

I hate change!!! There I said it!!! I don't like change of any kind. Even when the change is good for me. Change is hard for me. I am such a creature of habit. I like things to stay the same. I eat the same thing every morning for breakfast...I have a certain routine I use to get ready for bed at night....I like my clothes hung a certain way....I even organize my clothes in my closet by color. I like routine and I don't like anyone to mess with my "stuff"!

This isn't to say that I can't handle change...I can, especially when I know it is coming or if I am the one making the change. I can handle anything if I know what is coming and what is expected of me with the change. It's like when I am unsure of making a decision and I am asking God for direction....this is what I say: "Okay Lord whatever you want me to do is fine...just let me know so that I will be prepared...". You know something I have learned...God doesn't work that way!!

The reason that I don't like change is because it makes me feel out of control! I like to be in control of my life and the things that are going on in my life. So when change comes and I don't have control over it....it throws me into a tailspin. I become anxious and I panic! I get stressed and just want to run to a safe place and wait out the change until I can gain control again.

You know what friends...life doesn't work this way. There is change everyday in my life!!! The small changes I can handle but the big changes, well I freak! Just like today! There are lots of changes that are happening in my office. Two departments are merging....offices being rearranged...walls being painted....people moving into my office and my space. These are good changes...very good changes but they are changes!!! I went on vacation for two weeks and I knew that this change was going to happen while I was gone. Today first day back everything was different...I freaked out half-way through the day because I felt that things where out of control...my control. I hate when I do this!

I constantly have to remind myself that I don't have to control everything that goes on in my life. God is the great controller! He is the one in control of my life....I know that but when change comes I want to take that control back. I can't do that!!! I can't keep giving things to God and then taking them back...try to "fix or change" them the way I want/when I want and then give them back to God and say now bless this!! That is not letting God be in control of my life plain and simple!!

I am learning that God uses the changes that I hate to mold me and make me into the person that He wants me to be. Totally and completely dependent on Him. Change is God's way of showing me that He is in control not me! That His plans are so much better than mine! His timing is always perfect even when I don't think so.

God loves me enough to bring changes into my life to remind me I have to totally commit everything in my life to Him....including changes and the things that I cannot control!!!

Thank you God for loving me so much!