I have been having some thoughts on what God has in store for me. Been asking lots of questions and searching for answers. Ken and I were reading our bibles the other night and I just had some thoughts that I started writing down and this is what came out. Hope you enjoy!!!

I don’t know my purpose.

I don’t know the way I am to go.

I do know that my life is in your hands.

I do know that you have my future secure.

I don’t understand man’s ways.

I don’t understand all the pain and hurt here on earth.

I do understand your love for me.

I do understand the sacrifice you made to save me.

I don’t like the darkness that sometimes surrounds me.

I don’t like the Evil one’s ways.

I do love how you know what I need before I ask.

I do love the sunshine you provide on the cloudiest of days.

I don’t have to like the things of this world.

I don’t have to understand all the confusion around me.

I do have to believe in your love.

I do have to put myself in your hands.

CHANGE!

I hate change!!! There I said it!!! I don't like change of any kind. Even when the change is good for me. Change is hard for me. I am such a creature of habit. I like things to stay the same. I eat the same thing every morning for breakfast...I have a certain routine I use to get ready for bed at night....I like my clothes hung a certain way....I even organize my clothes in my closet by color. I like routine and I don't like anyone to mess with my "stuff"!

This isn't to say that I can't handle change...I can, especially when I know it is coming or if I am the one making the change. I can handle anything if I know what is coming and what is expected of me with the change. It's like when I am unsure of making a decision and I am asking God for direction....this is what I say: "Okay Lord whatever you want me to do is fine...just let me know so that I will be prepared...". You know something I have learned...God doesn't work that way!!

The reason that I don't like change is because it makes me feel out of control! I like to be in control of my life and the things that are going on in my life. So when change comes and I don't have control over it....it throws me into a tailspin. I become anxious and I panic! I get stressed and just want to run to a safe place and wait out the change until I can gain control again.

You know what friends...life doesn't work this way. There is change everyday in my life!!! The small changes I can handle but the big changes, well I freak! Just like today! There are lots of changes that are happening in my office. Two departments are merging....offices being rearranged...walls being painted....people moving into my office and my space. These are good changes...very good changes but they are changes!!! I went on vacation for two weeks and I knew that this change was going to happen while I was gone. Today first day back everything was different...I freaked out half-way through the day because I felt that things where out of control...my control. I hate when I do this!

I constantly have to remind myself that I don't have to control everything that goes on in my life. God is the great controller! He is the one in control of my life....I know that but when change comes I want to take that control back. I can't do that!!! I can't keep giving things to God and then taking them back...try to "fix or change" them the way I want/when I want and then give them back to God and say now bless this!! That is not letting God be in control of my life plain and simple!!

I am learning that God uses the changes that I hate to mold me and make me into the person that He wants me to be. Totally and completely dependent on Him. Change is God's way of showing me that He is in control not me! That His plans are so much better than mine! His timing is always perfect even when I don't think so.

God loves me enough to bring changes into my life to remind me I have to totally commit everything in my life to Him....including changes and the things that I cannot control!!!

Thank you God for loving me so much!

He is the biggest Lier...

Satan is the king of deception!!!! He can make a lie look and feel so much like the truth!!! I have believed his deception so many times you would think that I would be able to spot his trash talk by now...not so!! I hate lie's and I hate Satan!!!

Satan gets in our heads and whispers things to us in such a way that we can't tell it is him doing the whispering!!! He tells me things like...I am not good at my job....my husband is going to leave me like my first husband did...I'm not smart enough at 52 to get my degree....I don't need to read my bible because I have gone to church all my life and I "know" everything there is to know about being a good christian...I'm too fat...I'm not a good mother...on and on it goes!!! Have you ever heard these whispers in your head...I know I am not the only one!!!

These lies become so real to me that I begin to doubt myself...my marriage and even God! For this very reason I am constantly asking the Holy Spirit to protect me from Satan and his lying mouth and to help me discern the Truth from the lies!!!

In Ephesians 6:11 the bible tells us to "Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes." We have to protect ourselves from the lies that Satan is constantly whispering to us...trying to get us to believe them as "truth"!

In verse 14 of that same chapter Paul tells us "Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist,...." The only way I can know the truth is for me to be in Gods word...constantly seeking to know Jesus and His ways. If I have the"belt of truth" buckled around me I am going to be able to know the whisperings of Jesus over the whisperings of Satan. THERE IS NO OTHER WAY!!!

On several occasions, I have felt Satan's voice be louder than that of God's. I have had to say aloud "Satan get thee behind me"!!! I have actually told Satan to leave me alone that I don't believe what he is telling me!!! I believe that we have to rebuke Satan and sometimes we have to do that out loud so that we hear ourselves say it and so that Satan knows we mean it. I also have to stay in God's word so that I know Jesus and know and hear God's voice over Satan's!!!

When we draw near to God the whisperings of Satan grow softer and softer and God's voice grows stronger and stronger!!!

I'm back and I'm better

I started training for a half marathon in January. I trained faithfully for three months. The half marathon was set for the second weekend of March. I was so excited...I felt great and I was so ready to do this. However, God had other plans for me. The weekend before the marathon, I was walking across the yard and fell in a hole and pulled all the ligaments in my left ankle. I was devestated!!! It immediately swelled up to the size of a softball. I managed to get in my car and make it home. I got ice on it and had it elevated. My coach and my best friend came by and we all cried together. Needless to say...I didn't get to do the half marathon!

It is now 4 months later and my ankle has healed completely!! I went for my first power walk on Friday night! Can I say that it felt amazing!!!! Is there such thing as "walkers high"? I didn't realize that I had missed it so much!! I wore an ankle support just in case the ankle started hurting but it felt great. Even after the walk the ankle felt good. I am so excited that it has healed and that I can now get back to my training and power walking!!

I will be training for another half marathon at the end of October. I don't think that the official training will start for another 4 weeks but I am so ready to get going. I know that I have to take it slow, just to make sure the ankle is going to hold up. I leave for vacation in a week and will be gone for 15 days. But when I get back you just better watch out!!!

I have missed the walking and training so much and I didn't realize how much until after I walked my first two miles on Friday. I had forgotten how great I felt from the walking. I realized that this is something that I will have to keep up for the rest of my life in order to stay in the shape...both mentally and physically...that I feel God has called me to be!!! Just the energy alone from the walk is worth it all!!!

I thank God that that my ankle has healed and gotten stronger!! God's healing is always better!!

Watch out half marathoners....I am back and I am better!!!