MY FAITH OR MY FEARS

PSA.....this has been another hard post to write, I’m not going to lie and say that I am living the words below. It’s a struggle every day to choose my faith over my fears. To say no to what the world is saying about COVID and say yes the what the Lord tells/promises me. I hope that my struggles and what I am learning may help someone somewhere. Also, I now that this is long and I’m sorry, just have a lot on my heart.

PSA #2.....please try to overlook my grammar and “correct” English.....I’m just talking from my heart!

A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting in the dark in my recliner with my eyes closed in the middle of the night waiting for sleep to come when I asked myself....”why am I so afraid of getting COVID? What is it about it that makes me so fearful?” I really didn’t have an answer then but I did think about it over the next several days. “Why was I letting this pandemic scare me so bad?” I tried to see myself with COVID and what I would do if I contracted it....what it would look like for me.  I would have to stay quarantined for 14 days, no work or contact with any friends or family....I might like that....I do have enough fabric to keep be busy for way more than 14 days. LOL I could possible have to be admitted to the hospital for treatment....that would not be fun but I do know that our hospitals in Abilene are prepared to treat me if that is the case. 

Then I thought....worst case scenario.....I can’t get over the virus and my life is cut short. Would that be so bad? I thought about this and decided if that were the worst that happened to me.....I would win!!! You see to leave this world would be to gain my forever home with Jesus. I would no longer have to live on this earth, in these hard times....I would be sitting at the feet of Jesus. I realized that there is nothing for me to fear from COVID.....

As a Christian I know where my eternal home is....I know that the Lord is preparing a home for me, just waiting for me to join him. I began to realize that I am reacting to COVID, not as a believer but as an unbeliever. People of this world, those that don’t know Christ don’t have the assurance of a home with Him forever. When I react to the things of this world....COVID....with fear.....I am reacting as an unbeliever....not as a child of God. This realization hit me really hard.....God tells us we are to be in the world but are not to be apart of the world. How can nonbelievers see Christ in me when my fears of this world are greater than my faith?? OUCH.....stepped on my own toes there.....I am so weak!!

Another area that I have struggled with during all things COVID is the feeling of being “paralyzed”.....like my life has been put on hold......we are in a state of waiting. Does anyone else feel this way? I mean for a time there, we were encouraged to stay inside, shelter-in-place, don’t go anywhere unnecessarily or if you do have to get out only go to get food or essentials. I feel like I am just in waiting mode...I’m not sure what I’m waiting for but....just in waiting mode. 

Part of this is because of the “orders” that our government has put on us to help stop the spread of COVID. I understand these and honor them. However, I began to find myself putting my faith on hold, my Christian walk at a standstill. I realized that I was living my faith less and less, blending in with the world and all the chaos around COVID. 

Again, one night when I was wide awake......I find that God likes to talk to me in the dark in the middle of the night....I realized that just because I am having to deal with all things COVID didn’t give me the excuse not to be Jesus to those around me. An eye-opener for me....there are still lost souls in the world....there are still people that don’t know Jesus.....there are still people that are hurting and alone....maybe even more so now. 

As Christians, we can’t be frozen by the things of this world, COVID, waiting till “this time” passes to be Jesus to those around us. I believe that it is these hard times that the people around us need to see “Jesus” in us more than ever.....the people in my corner of the world were/are not seeing Jesus in me or my actions.....I am just as afraid as the world is.

Just because the world has been hit with COVID doesn’t give me an excuse to sit and wait till it passes or gets under control for me pick up my cross again....I should have never laid it on the shelf in the first place....and allowed my fear to be greater than my faith. I am so ashamed. 

I don’t want to get to heaven and be standing in front of my Lord, with my page in the book of life open before Him and have this conversation:

God: Carla I notice you experienced great fear and doubt this year.

Me: What year is that Father?

God: Looks like the year 2020. Why were you so afraid?

Me: Father, don’t you remember, that was the year of COVID....the whole world was afraid.

God: My dear child, I did not give you a spirit of fear, but of power and love. I told you I would never leave you or forsake you.

I cannot let my fears be so great that I lose sight of my purpose in life....to be a light in this dark world....to be Jesus to those around me. We, as Christians, can’t stop doing His work, stop going to Church, stop reaching out to those that don’t know Jesus, just because we are afraid of COVID or anything else of this world. My faith has to be greater!!!

Yes times are different, being Jesus to our neighbor isn’t as easy as it was before the pandemic, but we can’t let that stop us. We have to seek new ways, create different, safer opportunities....and I am going to be bold enough to say....maybe even if we aren’t particularly safe.....we have to reach out anyway and let our faith be greater than our fear!! I don’t know what this looks like in your corner of the world, I don’t really know what it looks like in my corner of the world, but I know that we can’t wait until COVID is over and we feel safe.....we have to act now, even in the dark!!

In one of Max Lucado’s books that I have read over the years he makes this statement:

     Feed your faith and your fears will starve, feed your fears and your faith will starve.

I have been feeding my fears....that has to stop.....I need to feed my faith by being in God’s word, turning off the TV, radio, social media and whatever else I’ve been listening to and keep my eyes and ears focused on God and what He is doing around me in my corner of the world. It’s time to turn off the world around me and focus on Jesus and His promises to me!!

From my corner of the world.....choosing my faith over my fears.

I’M DONE WITH COVID19

I’m Done

PSA:  Yes I have a Blog....not very faithful or consistent with my writing and it’s been since 2016 that I last published a post. I have written on and off since my last public post choosing not to go public....mainly written as a personal journal of sorts. I am not a professional writer or an English Teacher so my grammar may be incorrect and you may see a few misspelled words!! Feel free to go back and read my old posts.....I try really hard to be as honest and transparent as I can on here.

PSA #2:  Fair warning....this post has been really hard for me to write, to admit, and to publish for others to see. I’ve prayed about whether to put this out there or not and I am fairly sure that I am going to offend someone by my words, make someone angry or even hurt someone’s feelings. I apologize now.....I in no way would ever intend to purposely do any of these. I have learned through the hard/dark times in my life that voicing my feelings helps me.....I’m sorry if I offend anyone!!! 

So here goes.......

I AM DONE.....OVER IT.....I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT......AND I DON’T NECESSARILY WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT!

Since March I have ran a gamete of emotions, all of which I am not proud of! I have lost sleep, had to amp up my anxiety meds, cried more times than I want to admit, yelled at anyone and everyone, my blood pressure has been off the charts....and I take regular meds for this. I have been so angry that I literally see RED and have been so fearful at times it paralyzes me.

It feels as if COVID-19 has taken over every aspect of my life and basically paralyzed me. Maybe I have just allowed it to affect me that way...probably more the case. 

I am angry about the businesses being shut down, services no longer available. I am angry the inconvenience this has caused me. I am angry I am being told where I can go and when I can go. 

As more and more restrictions were made and “Shelter in Place” orders were enforced.....I became jealous and envious of those being “forced” to stay at home. You see Ken and I both work for businesses that are “Essential”!!! While everyone stayed in and stayed safe....Ken and I continued to go to work every day. We did not have the choice to “shelter in place”. 

As time went on and it became evident that this was not going to pass any time real soon, people began to complain about having to stay at home. I heard complaints about being stuck in the house. Complaints about having nothing to do, after they had cleaned out all their closets, cleaned everything from ceiling to floors....the complaints went on and on. 

I am ashamed to admit that hearing everyone complaining just angered me even more. Here I was having to go to work every day, being exposed to the dreaded COVID-19 and would have loved to be at home, not having to be out everyday!!!

As more and more people began to complain about being at home....I was filled with fear that I was going to contract the dreaded virus. I couldn’t sleep at night for fear that I was going to come in contact with someone infected....and the more complaining I heard the more fearful I became. 

It seems that all anyone is talking about is COVID-19 !!! I hear it at work constantly, it is the only thing customers want to talk a about. It’s all over TV, any and every form of Social Media, every news program, all over the front pages of newspapers, there is no escaping it!! Everyday county/state stats are released, graphs are updated, numbers are sorted and categorized. We basically have access to the age groups with the highest cases, the ethnicity of the those infected, how cases are being exposed, the symptoms being experienced by percent rates, you name it we have access to all things COVID-19.

I am so tired of hearing people pointing fingers, laying blame....China’s is to blame, the Republican’s are to blame, the Democrats caused it, President Trump is to blame, if certain groups would just wear masks the numbers wouldn’t be going up, if certain age groups would would just practice the required social distancing.....it just goes on an on!!

The worst part about all this....I have voiced these same things at one time or another out of my anger over the whole situation. Shame on me for being so hypocritical!!!

As I said at the beginning, I apologize again if I have stepped on any toes, hurt someone’s feelings or angered you in any way....Not my intentions at all!!

For you see, I have come to a point in all of this that I realize I have allowed COVID-19 to control me, my emotions, my attitude, my actions, my thoughts....everything. I realize I can’t keep doing this.....something has to change and the change has to come from me. I can’t control COVID-19 or how it is affecting my world BUT I can control me and my reaction to it. 

I know that I can’t be the only one having these feelings and emotions....if you have felt any of what I have felt or am feeling, rest assured we are not alone.

Last week as numbers began to rise again, I realized I can’t continue on this path. With an average of 3-4 hours of sleep each night, once again allowing my anger and fear to consume me. I began to seek God in the middle of the night when my mind was racing.....shame on me for waiting so long to seek Him out!!!

If you have read to this point, thank you for hanging in there as I rant and rave. Please know that I do have some positive things to say and not all my thoughts are negative!! LOL

There is a part 2 to this post, and it’s been written and will be published in the next couple of days, just too 

much info running through my head and on my heart to share in one sitting.

From my corner of the world.....I’M DONE!!!



LISTENING

Several years ago I was visiting with a young mother of two who was struggling. Struggling with God, with herself, struggling in her marriage.......feeling like she was being pulled in a hundred different directions. She had people that loved her telling her what they thought she should do regarding her struggles. As I listened to her, it became evident to me she was getting advise from many people but still didn't have any answers. I asked her if she had spoken to God about these struggles. She said she had asked God for guidance and had prayed for wisdom but she didn't think God was hearing her. I assured her that God was in deed hearing her but maybe she wasn't hearing His voice above the others.

As I got ready to leave, I asked her to do one thing for me.....I asked her to go meet God in a quiet place so she could hear Him. I asked her to go outside after her kids were in bed, sit on the back porch swing....go alone.....don't bring her cell phone.....don't turn on the light.....but just sit. I told her to talk to God, there in the quiet.....to pour out her heart.....to ask God for direction and for some answers. I told her that when she was done talking to stay out there and just listen.....listen for God to talk to her. She told me she would.

As I drove home I prayed hard that God would meet her. That God would show up on her back porch in a big way and there would be no doubt of His presence. I didn't hear from her for several days. I didn't call her asking her if she had heard God speak, I wanted to but I just kept praying that she would hear God speak to her.

She finally called me several days later and told me that she did indeed hear God and she heard loud and clear the direction she needed to go and the decisions she needed to make. I praised God in his faithfulness and the gift of His voice to this young mother.

I don't tell you this to brag or make myself look like some great counselor, for you see as I was driving to her house I asked God to give me the words to say to her, the words that she needed to hear. I didn't do anything special, God just used me to speak to this young mother.

I did tell you this because in 2016 I want to hear God more. I want to meet God in the quiet. I want to be still and listen to what He is saying and doing in my life and the lives of those around me. I want to feel His presence....feel His peace. I want to shut out the voices of others and only hear my God speak to me.

I get so busy in my daily life, going here and there, I can't hear God speak to me. I can't hear Him calling me to go and do for His people. I don't always feel His gentle nudges to speak a kind word to someone or to give a hug when it's needed.

I constantly have my mind on my agenda and all that I need to do that I can't hear God's voice above the other voices in my life.

In 2016, I want to be aware of God's voice. To be still long enough to hear His answers, His voice and feel His presence. I want to go to the back porch or a closet and just sit in the quiet and wait to hear Him speak to me. I want to be intentional in giving God the time He needs to make His plan made known in my life.

I know it won't be easy, but it will be worth it.....just to hear the voice of God above all the noise around me.....I long for this in 2016!

From my corner of the world.....sitting and listening

THE DATE IS SET

In my last post, we were waiting to receive the results of Ken's bone scan and the CT scan. I can thankfully say that both of these scans showed no "C" anywhere else in his body!! We were so grateful and overwhelmed with relief. God heard all of the prayers said on Ken's behalf and we rejoice in His grace and mercy!!!

We found out the results almost a month ago and we just heard today that Ken's surgery will be on Tuesday, February 17th at 7:30 AM. This came as good news to us!!

It seemed that time was dragging by as we waited to get the surgery date set. There were so many things that had to be done.....in order for Ken to be approved for the surgery. He had to have an appointment and check up with our primary physician to receive the okay approval to have the surgery. This "form" had to be faxed to Ken's Urologist before an appointment could be set to have a final test/scope done in the doctor's office before the date could be set.

All this time has been very frustrating for me......I couldn't understand the doctors not rushing Ken in for these appointments knowing that he had "C". I become frustrated in the fact that......I feel......the doctor's fail to see the urgency in removing the "C" as much as we feel it. Several times I just wanted to call the doctors and say "Do you not realize that my husband has CANCER in his body and you have waited two weeks to get him in to see you!!!!! Do you realize that the CANCER can spread the longer it is in his body!!!" There is just something about knowing there is "C" in Ken's body and that it continues to grow the longer it is in him......I JUST WANT IT OUT!!!!!

Sorry about that little rant.....I am just so ready to get this over with so Ken can begin to heal!!!!

Ken is doing well in the waiting because he works in the medical field and he understands more of the necessary procedures. He does feel the sense of urgency in getting the "C" removed.....he has said several times to me that he has woken up at night with the thought "I have Cancer!!". Needless to say, this waiting is wearing on both of us. Thankful we have a date set as we prepare for the next step in our "C" journey!!

During the last couple of weeks there have been some really great blessing in our lives.....big ones and some maybe not so big ones....you may not think so anyway!!

The greatest of these blessings has been the Baptism of our son-in-law!!!! David is an amazing man and has been an answer to my prayers.......as I began praying for Tara's husband the day she was born......God answered these prayers in a BIG way!!!

David was raised in a Christian home and went to Church all his life. He is one of the kindest, most tenderhearted, giving, loving, hard-working man I know, and he loves Tara and their kids totally and completely. He is an amazing husband and dad!!!

After Tara and David got married, they struggled with finding a Church home in which they both felt comfortable. Tara had always attended the Church of Christ and David always attended the Baptist Church. Ken and I noticed that David seemed to be searching for something but just wasn't sure what he was looking for. Ken and I began praying a couple of years ago that God would send them to a Church that could give David the answers he was searching for.

I knew that David and his brother Chris had been studying the Bible as David would go to Chris with questions and they would sit down and search the scriptures together. The more questions David had the more studying he and Chris did. Then a couple of Sundays ago.....David knew what he needed to do.....and knew that there was no better time than that day....that very minute. He was baptized by his brother that afternoon!!!! PRAISES TO GOD!!!! 

Tara called me to tell me of David's decision to be baptized. I have to say I cried a little, sang a little, said prayers of thanksgiving and praised God for the work he had been doing on David's heart!!! 

I visited with David after Tara and I hung up and honestly the words he said describing his feelings touched my heart so deeply that I asked him if I could share them with you....

"....I am so happy to be a part of the love of Christ that I never really understood. I feel so different now than I did. I was baptized at a young age.....but I knew I needed something different. I felt I was always missing something and a little something never felt right. But now it's like I can see so much clearer. God's gonna be so much more in my life and marriage, I can promise you that!!"

I love when David said "I can see so much clearer....."!!! Thank you God for using Chris and all the other people in David's life that lived Jesus to him so that he is able to see Jesus love more clearly!!! 

God is good all the time, and all the time God is good!!!

As hard as it has been to wait for doctor appointments, tests, results, more tests.....and finally a surgery date....God has been faithful!! He has blessed us with new mercy every single morning, He has listened and understood when we became frustrated. He has assured us that He will never leave us during this difficult walk we are on. He has sent His angels to love us and minister to us through hugs, gift certificates for pedicures :), encouraging words and the prayers of many!!

I ask that you keep Ken in your prayers, especially on Tuesday February 17th. Pray for the doctors taking care of him and performing the surgery. Most of all pray that God's glory will be seen through this process!!!

From my corner of the world......feeling blessed!! 

HOPE

 

On Thursday night I received two Facebook messages from a very special lady, an Elder's wife where Ken and I attend. The first one said that she was praying for me and Ken as we wait for the results of Ken's scans. She sent the second one a few minutes later that said "how are you holding up?" I didn't answer until the next day because I felt a little ashamed of how I was feeling.

 

My reply the next morning was...."I am struggling with the "what ifs" and afraid to hope too much preparing myself for the worst!! I think this comes from all that I've been through in the past and it's sort of my way of protecting myself...". It's true.....for many years when storms come in my life.....I prepare myself for the worst fearing to hope for the best. I have been disappointed too many times to freely open my heart to the hope that I need to have....

Her reply to my answer was...."I don't know why God lets us have such pain in this ole world ..... but I do KNOW He gave us a sign of hope way bigger than the size of our pain. Even in the largest of pain! The loss of your parents you always held onto the biggest sign of HOPE ever. The Promise & HOPE of JESUS....." WOW She spoke directly to my heart.

 

On a side note.....I love how this precious woman of God was able to mentor to me, comfort me, and remind me of the hope that I have through the love of Jesus.....all through Facebook.....social media!!! Thank you Teanie!!!

 

I thought a lot about the hope that Teanie was talking about over the next several days.....the hope that comes from surrendering to God and His gift of Jesus! Yes I am afraid to hope that Ken's "C" has not spread.....afraid to hope for the fear of not being prepared for the worst. You see, I have seen some of the worst that this world has to offer and my heart has been broke and left empty. I am not sure that I can go through another storm and take the chance on my heart being hurt more.....

 

I have prayed a lot about this conversation that we had and how wrong I am to protect myself from the storms that are ahead......I realized it isn't my job to protect myself.....My job is to put my hope in God and He will protect me and my heart. My strength will come by putting my hope in Jesus....not in preparing for the worst. 

 

I have to let go of this protection I have built up around my heart......keeping the hope out is a way of protecting myself. By placing my hope in my Jesus, He will protect me and my heart. I realized that without hope being in Jesus.....I have nothing!!!

 

"The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youth grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who HOPE in the Lord will renew their strength. they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:28-31 

 

I NEED to place my hope in Jesus for He will give me the strength to ride out this storm.....good or bad.....and place my faith in Him and not in myself.....Hope in Jesus is where my strength comes from.

I want to change directions a little here......

 

I want to share some of the love that we have been shown over that last couple of days while we wait for the results of Ken's scans.

 

We have been overwhelmed by all of the people that have been praying for Ken and myself. We have truly felt those prayers and the Peace of God. We have received cards from people that love us and have walked the "C" path and can now minister to us as we face the unknown. 

 

This morning Ken and I met with some of our Elders and their wives to share where we are with Ken's "C" and what our greatest prayer requests are. Ken and I were both a little anxious about meeting with them.....not out of fear but because we do not like to be the center of attention and like to remain in the background....we much prefer serving as to being served. 

 

As we walked into the room we immediately felt at ease and felt loved my each and everyone there. They asked Ken to share a little bit of what was going on and what specific things that we needed to be praying for. After Ken was finished.....we sat in two chairs in the middle of the room and the Elders and their wives surrounded us......and one of the Elders led us in a prayer. Ken and I have never felt God's presence more than in that room. We both feel that God used this men and their wives to bless us and to love on us. It is very humbling to be loved so much.

 

I just have to say here that the men and their wives that serve as Elders at Southern Hills C of C are some of the most amazing men that truly love the Lord and those they are shepherding. Ken and I were extremely blessed this morning by their love. Thank you Lord for the servant hearts of these men!!!!!

 

Well, tomorrow at 4:00 pm Ken and I will meet with his doctor to get the results of the bone scan and the CT scan. Even with all the "what ifs" and the fears we have Ken and I both have a certain peace that we know God has given us.....letting us know HE HAS THIS and we don't have to do anything but lay this "C" at His feet and KNOW that Ken is in good hands. 

 

We ask that you pray with us that the "C" is contained only in Ken's prostate.....that surgery will be able to remove it all and Ken won't have to have Chemo. But most of all we pray that Ken and I will remain faithful to God and we will use this storm to glorify Him!!!

 

From my corner of the world.....placing my HOPE in Jesus!! 

 

 

 

 

THREE LITTLE WORDS

 

Over the years, I have had some major life changing events.....and when I say life changing, I mean completely shattered my world as I knew it! Through each......God ALWAYS carried me through and helped me to see His glory! 

 

As I have looked back I realized that each time my life took a different turn, it began with three little words:

 

I got a call from my sister in December, 1990....the first words out of her mouth were...."THEY ARE GONE"....."Mom and Dad are dead"......life changing words!!

 

In March, 2005 I heard the words....."I AM LEAVING"......"I don't love you enough to stay".......life changing words!!

 

On December 18th Ken sat me down and said "I HAVE CANCER"......"9 out of the 13 biopsy's came back cancerous".....life changing words!!!

 

Once again my world has shifted.....not sure how but from this point forward, our lives (Ken and myself) will be different. Anytime the "C" word is used....it is life changing and SCARY!!!!

 

Over the last couple of weeks, Ken and I have felt every emotion imaginable.....anger, fear, sadness, anxiety, blessed, scared, worried, loved.....you name it we have felt it. We have tried so hard to keep busy and keep our minds on God and His will but we both feel Satan pulling us into the darkness that the "C" word can cause.

 

One of the beauties of our relationship is that we share everything, all our feelings....good and bad. As we both began to have these different thoughts and feelings we began to share them with each other. Both of us experiencing some of the same thoughts. These feelings and thoughts have caused us to have some very serious and lengthy conversations. Conversations we were not.....and are not....ready to have.

 

We have talked about the fact that this "C" may be other places in his body. If so, how this will change our lives.....how we will deal with this, face on with God's hand leading us. We have talked about the possibility of having to go to Houston, perhaps having to go through Chemo. We have talked about life after Ken's surgery and how different our life may be.

 

We have talked about what my life would look like if God calls Ken home. We have talked about our finances and keeping things in order if I am faced with this. We have talked about how blessed we are that all but one of our kids lives close and will be there to help and how blessed we are that our youngest is only 3 hours away and not across the country.

I have tried so hard to keep from "spinning" with the "what ifs".....but sometimes my brain just goes there and I can't seem to stop thinking about all the things Ken and I are about to face. It seems that the more I try not to think about the fear of losing Ken....the greater my fears get. It helps that Ken and I can come together at night, before bed, and talk about our day....our thoughts....how we are doing with the "C" hanging over our heads....expressing our feelings aloud to each other.....then asking God to take these fears away and replacing them with a deeper faith in Him.

You see, I realized that if I do not talk about these things, my fears and worries will sit in a corner of my heart and fester.....grow.....and consume me to the point that I can't see God at all. When I allow Satan to fill my head and my heart with fear and the "what ifs", there is no room for the peace that only God can give me. There is no room for my faith to grow as God calls me to trust in Him and keep my eyes on Him.

By voicing my fears, worries, and anxiety I am able to get them out in the open.....talk about them.....pray about them, and then lay them at the cross. If I keep all of this inside for fear of seeming weak, Satan has won because my fear becomes greater than my faith!! I can not let this happen!!!!!

 

God has carried me through two life changing events and I know that He will see me and Ken through this as well. For you see, when our world is the darkest.....God's light shines the brightest! I have found that when the storms in my life are to great for me to stay afloat.....God reaches down, grabs me by my hand and tells me to hold on and look at Him.....He will calm my storm!! 

 

God will give Ken and I the peace we need to walk this "C" road we have found ourselves on. We don't know what the road ahead looks like but what we do know is that God will bring us through and we will be in His presence.....whether here on earth or seated at God's feet....either way we win!!!!

As the new year begins, Ken and I count our blessings, express our fears and worries, feel God's presence and rest in knowing that God loves us and is in control!!!

From my corner of the world.....blessings and Happy New Year!!

 

 

The Good, The Bad, and The Blessed

Last weekend was the graduation of my niece, Angela, from Abilene Christian University. I can't believe that four years have come and gone!!! She has grown so much and is a lovely Christian woman and I am so proud of her!!

She has a special friend, "Paulie", that graduated in May and they seem to be very close!! :) "Paulie's" mother and sister drove all the way from Tennessee to see Angela graduate. Because Ken and I have 3 guest rooms, they were invited to say with us. I really didn't mind but I had so much to do on Saturday that I told my sister-in-law that there was no way I was going to be able to entertain them and that they would be on their own. They were all good with that.

On Saturday morning, my plan was to get up.....make a light breakfast.....visit just a little to be polite....then go and get all my shopping done and errands run. WELL.....that isn't exactly what happened. Once I sat down and visited with "Paulie's" mom and sister....I fell in love with them. They were so kind and we had a lot in common. We sat around, my brother and his family and Cindy and Katelyn, "Paulie's" mother and sister. We shared old Christmas stories, talked about our families and extended families. It was as if we had been friends for ever.

                                                           My new friends....Katelyn, Cindy, Angela and Paul ("Paulie")

Before they came, I had been freaking out about the house and how I hadn't been able to get it all cleaned the way I wanted.....stressing about them being there while I had so much to do to get ready for Christmas. But as we were sitting around visiting, all of my stress and anxiety over getting everything done on my list just didn't seem matter. 

The Sunday before, Jarrod our pulpit minister, talked about Peace as part of Advent. Jesus was born to give us peace.....not to cause all the stress we feel this time of year. Christmas isn't about rushing around to make sure everything is done and all the presents are wrapped and delivered. We celebrate Jesus' birth and the great gift God has given to us. Jarrod encouraged us to slow down and spend more time sharing our hearts with others rather than buying the perfect gift. This is what it felt like visiting with Cindy and Katelyn!! I stayed with them all day and it was one of the best days I have had in a long time. I feel blessed to know them and to call them true friends of mine.

Saturday night we gathered to celebrate Angela and her completion of College!!! It was a lot of fun and maybe a little emotional for her parents but we made a few jokes and they were laughing and smiling again.

On Tuesday, December 16th, I celebrated a birthday. It was a really great day and I felt extremely blessed by all the calls, texts and Facebook messages and posts. I got to spend the night watching my youngest granddaughter in her Christmas program.

                                 Addison was very excited that both Memaw and Granny got to be there to watch

Over the days following my birthday, I felt extremely blessed.....All of our children are happy and in good places in their lives. Our grandchildren are strong and healthy. I was feeling just overwhelmed with the blessings God has bestowed upon me and so very thankful.

I shared my feelings with Ken and we said a prayer of thanksgiving for all that God has blessed us with. But I made the statement that as good as things were, "life" was going to happen again. We live in a fallen world and bad things are going to happen to "blessed" people. God never promised that we would be sorrow free and that we wouldn't have any difficulties. God just promised that He will never leave us or forsake us. 

Now for the bad news....Yesterday Ken and I found out that the biopsy's done on his prostate last week came back positive....Ken has prostate Cancer. Totally caught me off guard....I never expected them to be positive!!! I was very emotional last night and I am really scared of losing Ken to this dreaded disease. Today I am feeling a little numb, still scared, but fearful that the Cancer is other places in his body. I mean.....how can you tell that you have Cancer when you feel so good?? 

On January 8th, Ken will have a bone scan and a CAT scan. This will let the doctor know if the Cancer is contained in his prostrate of if we are dealing with more Cancer spots. We will go back to see the doctor on the 12th to get the results of the tests and hopefully make plans to have his prostate removed the end of January first of February. I ask that you keep us in your prayers and that the Cancer is contained and doesn't show up anywhere else in Ken's body.

As hard as this is, I believe with all my heart that God will take care of this and that He can heal Ken. I believe that God has plans for Ken and for myself and this is just a bump in our journey here on earth.

Until we find out the results of the scans.....I choose to count my blessings......EVERY SINGLE DAY!!! I choose to praise God through this difficult time.....I choose to give thanks for the things God is doing in the lives of our kids and loved ones.....and most of all I choose to love the Lord with all my heart and keep my eyes on Him.

From my corner of the world.....choosing to have a thankful heart!!